Hunting Knife. After all, this is a hunt. We aren’t going to dance in the tulips or any such nonsense. If you don’t bring the right weapon for the job, well just let me know how the killing part of the enterprise goes. Because, as in every hunt, something is going to die here. And if you don’t know what you’re doing, it could be you.

I say this in jest, but I’m actually kind of serious. Although mushroom attacks are very rare (it’s not often a mushroom leaps to your throat and wrestles you to the ground), picking and eating the wrong one can and will kill you.

So, bring a knife. That way the buggers will know you are serious. Also, you can use it to cut the roots off of them once they are picked.

Mushroom Containment Chamber. To the untrained eye, this looks like a basket. To the trained eye, it is a basket. Don’t be fooled though, we’re not collecting tulips or any such nonsense. We’re carrying potentially deadly-poisonous fungi in this thing. So, consider this the most hardcore basket you’ll ever use.

I’m told your containment chamber should be something large enough to carry the forest’s bounty without much squishing. You don’t want your mushrooms all crushed to pieces before you get home for the cleaning (that makes it harder to spot the errant deadly mushroom that someone may have accidentally picked). So, don’t use plastic bags if you can avoid it.

Not convinced your mushrooms need ‘containment?’ Just read what wikipedia has to say about Chernobyl nuclear fall out, radiation, and European mushrooms. Yeah – go ahead and line that basket with lead, I guess.

Maminka’s Book of Czech Fairy Tales and Proverbs. This is critical if you are bringing children or the uninitiated. Because, inevitably the questions and comments will begin at some point:

“Where do mushrooms come from?”

“How do you spot the right kind of mushroom?”

“I’m bored.”

“Is THIS a good one?”

Your “Book of Czech Fairy Tales and Proverbs” will be essential to shutting these people up and/or having more fun. For instance:

Where do mushrooms come from?

They magically pop up from the ground overnight (pg. 23)!

What to do when the children are being loud and obnoxious?

Warn them that the mushrooms will hear them and hide (pg. 11)!

How do you help the hopeless American tourist see the nearly invisible good mushrooms?

Loudly announce that you smell mushrooms whenever some are close (pg. 1, 24-85)!

Czech Friend. In my view, this is the most essential thing you can bring along. Your friend/guide will likely bring all of the above essential items, as well as a few extras. Hopefully they will instruct you in the basics of finding the correct mushrooms.

It should be noted that there likely exists a ‘Guide to Mushroom Hunting for Czechs’ that reverses my logic and lists bringing Children, American Expats, or American Tourists as an essential piece of equipment.

“Their fascination with the magic and tales you tell from Maminka’s book will inspire at least an hour or two of hard work that will speed up the process for you as you complete this chore.”

What can I say – it’s a symbiotic relationship. Just like the mushrooms and the gnomes who grow and care for them.